Childhood

I used to have such a low self esteem I wouldn't tell people my birthday. It wasn't on MySpace, Facebook, or anything. I never told anyone. I was afraid no one would say happy birthday. I was scared I'd just embarrass myself. I often worried I didn't have a best friend. I often worried I didn't have any friends.

I made myself envy people. It made me hate myself. Hate my life. And I would write about it. I would talk about what I will do. What I will become. What I will achieve. How I deserved to be loved. How I thought that the only way to be loved was to achieve greatness. I would pray to god and ask to feel loved. To know what love was.

It made me fight a lot In school. It made me be rude to everyone. My jokes were rude. Comments rude. I could not do anything right. I was a C student. I often would stay out late and break into cars and steal. Go into backyards and steal all sorts of things. It was the only thing that gave me a rush.

And I learned the greatest lesson in life.

Nothing changed. It hasn't changed. No matter how bad I asked and hated myself for my position nothing changed to help me.

I got up wiped the tears out of my eyes and decided to make a change. Making good grades were a ticket out of what I hated. I have always believed that and I will always achieve through hard work and dedication.